Pollen Pun-ishment

It's no secret that this has started off as the worst pollen season in recent memory. Everyone is sneezing, hacking up their lungs and weeping out of every hole in their heads, even those hardy folks who normally are not affected - and by that I mean me. Yuck!

So yesterday I walked in to the room where several of my co-workers were huddled to avoid both students and light green tumbleweeds...

Co-worker: "AAAAA-CHOO!"

Me: [Resisting the urge to start barking - thanks, Coyote! I'll never be the same now!] "Bless you. What a mess out there. The pollen is really bad today."

Co-worker: "Thanks. Yeah, it makes you want to cut down every Pine tree in the state!"

Me: "Except that right now the biggest culprit are the Oak trees. But the Pine trees will have their day in the sun real soon..."

Co-worker: "Along with everything else in the woods!"

Me: "After all, every Dogwood has its day!"

And that was when they physically threw me out of the room.

Fortunately, pollen piled up and tied into bales makes for a soft landing.

A Slow Learner With Fast Reflexes

Conversations of the Damned, Part LXIII:

The Missus: (Folding laundry) "These little jeans here are mine!"

Me: "Really?!?!"

The Missus: [Hard stare]

Me: [blink, blink]

The Missus: [Stony silence, darkening clouds gathering ominously over her head]

Me: "Oh! I mean... Yeah... Yes! They certainly are!"

Really, the couch is quite comfortable. If only it could fit in the doghouse...

For SCIENCE!!!

COTD Part XVIII: For Science!!

The Skating Gnu: Daddy, I need your help with a science experiment.

Me: Okay, what's the experiment?

TSG: (Reads assignment) Prove that you are matter.

Me: *poke*

TSG: Ow!

Me: *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* (you get the point)

TSG: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! STOP IT!!!!

Me: Quod Erat Demonstratum! I've proved you are matter, and as a bonus you are madder!

The Cure For Boredom

School is out (for both of us - YAY!!!!) and the year is winding down. The Christmas shopping is all done, presents are wrapped up under the tree, and we're all settling in for a long winter's eve cuddled up around the fireplace.

Or in my case, hunched over the computer, surfing. Yeah, I'm a hopeless geek.

When what do my wondering ears behold but a cell phone ring, heralding an incoming text message...

...it's from my daughter, sitting not more than two feet away from me, texting away on her phone. Geek in training? Could be. Let's see what she wants...

The Skating Gnu (via text): "Hi"

Me (reply via text): "Hi!"

TSG(vt): "I am bored"

Me (rvt): "Oh... Reeeeaaallllyyyyy??? I can fix that REAL easy!"

TSG(vt): "No thanks"

Me (rvt): "You can thank me later... after you finish the task list."

TSG(vt): "What task list?"

Me (rvt): "Hmm... let's see..."

TSG(vt): "Oh no"

Me (rvt): "1. Dust and vacuum the living room. 2. Clean your room. 3. Take out the trash and recycling. 4. Put away the clean dishes and load the dirty ones into the dishwasher. 5. Put away your clean clothes and pick up your dirty clothes."

TSG(vt): "Okay, I am no longer bored, so no thank you."

Me (rvt): "You can thank me later. NOW GET TO WORK!!"

TSG(vt): "Aaaaa... I am dieing!"

Me (rvt): "You are also spelling things wrong. I can add to your list if you like..."

TSG: [Jumps up out of her chair and scoots out of the room like a Gnu on a mission!]

And that, dear readers, is how you cure "Winter Break boredom!"

Happy Labour Day

Time to put away the white shoes. Summer is officially over.

We're all taking a breather this weekend. The Gnu Herd piled into the car to go down the road aways to a wedding, in the land of Trains, Cheerwine, and Liddy Dole. Very, very dear friends of the family and for all rights and purposes they are family to us, their son was the groom, complete with the traditional "deer in the headlights" look and everything else that goes with the grim passing of bachelorhood. All is well in the world, he found himself a keeper. Raise a glass of Guinness to the happy couple!

Meanwhile back at Gnu Central, we're just relaxing, taking a break from most of the things that tend to keep us busy and scattered across three counties. Grill up some burgers tonight, pop open a couple of brews, and just relax and be thankful for all that we have been blessed with.

Good news of the day:

1. My term paper for the last class came back with a 100. So assuming I don't go into negative points on my final, this one's a wrap. Onward to Financial Accounting! (Bleah)

2. The Skating Gnu is settling in to 7th grade nicely. At the least, no notes from the principal and the SWAT team hasn't been called out to the school. Yet. She keeps reminding me that she will be a teenager next year, to which I reply that's why I have the U.S. Marine Corps recruiting office on speed-dial. Yeah, that usually shuts her up.

3. Another dear friend of the family (who is also honorary family) is fighting back against cancer and appears to be winning. Cheers and prayers for him and his family are encouraged.

Last, but not least, what would a holiday be without another episode of CoTD:

Time: This afternoon
Place: Phone conversation with Buddy

Buddy: "So, whatcha been doing today?"

Me: "Wife and I went and bought a new mattress."

Buddy: "Nice! So, tell me (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) did you break it in yet?"

Me: "Yep. Didn't wait around for that."

Buddy: "Nice!"

Me: "Not really, we're not allowed back in that showroom anymore!"

Buddy: "Bwuhh..."

Ask a stupid question...

Six of one...

Conversations of the Damned:

We decided to order pizza tonight in commemoration of a wet, cold, dreary Saturday...

PizzaGurl: "Thank you for calling Total Domination's Pizza, may I take your order?"

Me: "I'd like two orders of Kickin' Chicken Bites, please."

PG: "Would you like ranch or blue cheese with those?"

Me: "One of each, please."

PG: "You mean one of each in each order or one with ranch and the other with blue cheese?"

Me: "That's basically the same thing."

PG: "Uhhh.... nooo. If you get one of each in both that's totally different than each with two of the same."

Me: "...Bwuh?"

Our future is in the hands of our children.

God save us.

Post-Script: The Domination's Pizza guy arrived, with tasty Italian goodness in hand. Two orders of Kickin' Chicken, one order of bread stix and a pepperoni pizza. Just like the Romans of Caesar's time, feasting for all!

Opening the two orders of chicken, we find... drum roll please... Ranch dip in both. The bread stix, on the other hand, had two blue cheese dips that don't usually come with them.

Well, who says results don't matter? Yay PizzaGurl!