Monday, August 27, 2007

Interview with the Gnu

Coyote dropped by the other day to interview me. Me! Look, Ma, I'm famous!

As promised, the queries, and their answers:

1. Briefly, but not too briefly, tell me why I am awesome.

Because you think a lot like me. Seriously, reading your blog and rants in other parts of the CyberSea, we seem to take much the same approach, even if we differ somewhat on the end results. Birds of a feather, dude. See you at TacoCon!

2. What is something about you that I don't know and would never guess?

I started college full-time at 14, part-time at 12. Graduated one of the youngest ever in the history of the University.

3. If you could take over the life of any person currently living on earth for as long as you wanted who would it be, why and for how long?

Wow, good question. Do I go for the boilerplate, cheesy answer of "powerful person, do some good" or "evil asshole, have some fun" like the rest of the herd? Perhaps I'd just take a page from "Heaven can Wait" and just be someone a bit more ordinary and see life from a different perspective. Maybe a child, or a new mother, or an old man near his end. Just to see what life looks like through Other Eyes. How long? Long enough to understand.

4. What do you want your last spoken words to be?


(You asked for it.)

5. What's the perviest thing you've ever done (did anyone really think I was going to get through five questions and not drag it into the gutter? really?)?

Do you really want to know the answer to that? You think my wife will let me tell you the whole story?? Put it to you this way: I'll never be able to order a certain "love-thy-partner by the seashore" drink in a bar without remembering the bewildered looks on the faces of that Scout troop.

And for the record, no, we did not stop.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Random Thoughts

It's been a crazy month. The dog days of Summer are here, it's 110F outside (no, really!) work is insanely busy (I like that part because I hate sitting still with nothing to do) and... well.. it's just crazy. And I just now realized it's been almost a whole 'nother month since I updated this. C'est la vie!

So, here are some random thoughts that popped into my mind recently. Psychology students looking for dissertation material, pay attention, please...

I was driving home today and got stuck behind a minivan (scourge of the highway!!!!) that had one of those bumper stickers that said, "Proud Parent of a Terrific Kid." I want one to put on Mrs. Gnu's car that says, "Embarrassed Wife of an Opinionated Asshole." They cost less in bulk, anyone else want in on the deal?

As much as I agree with those who say round up all the illegal immigrants and ship their criminal asses back where they came from and build a big wall to keep them out, I still can't escape one nagging thought: Now you know how the Cherokee felt! Are we destined for our own Trail of Tears into exile on the shores of Baffin Island?

So the Little Gnu starts sixth grade on Monday. I'm moping around feeling old just thinking about that. Told Mrs. Gnu that I'd feel younger if we had another baby. Now I feel old and I'm bruised and aching all over. Ow!

When tax time rolls around again, how many welfare brood-mares, illegal aliens and third world tinpot dictators can I write in as dependents on my form 1040?

I walked into a Starbucks and didn't order a "tall" or a "venti" or a goddamn "grande" drink. I ordered a Large. Kid behind the counter said, "Oh, you mean the Venti, right?" I replied, "No, large. I don't speak 'Idiot.'" The look: priceless.

Well, my skull is now empty. Hope you've enjoyed this tour of the insane confines of my head. Please watch your step as you exit the vehicle...