The Road to... Where?

I'm sitting in my office grading papers and could really use a drink right about now. The Missus is on her stationary bike working out.

Me: "Hey, can you please bring me a drink from the fridge?"

The Missus: "I'm on my bike. It'll be a while yet."

Me: "Just find a safe spot to pull over and pick me up me a soda right quick on your way back, will ya?"

The Missus: "Okay. Wait... what?"

Me: [guffaws]

The Missus: "I hate you, Larriken!"

I'd hate me too if I'd just been pwned like that.

Pollen Pun-ishment

It's no secret that this has started off as the worst pollen season in recent memory. Everyone is sneezing, hacking up their lungs and weeping out of every hole in their heads, even those hardy folks who normally are not affected - and by that I mean me. Yuck!

So yesterday I walked in to the room where several of my co-workers were huddled to avoid both students and light green tumbleweeds...

Co-worker: "AAAAA-CHOO!"

Me: [Resisting the urge to start barking - thanks, Coyote! I'll never be the same now!] "Bless you. What a mess out there. The pollen is really bad today."

Co-worker: "Thanks. Yeah, it makes you want to cut down every Pine tree in the state!"

Me: "Except that right now the biggest culprit are the Oak trees. But the Pine trees will have their day in the sun real soon..."

Co-worker: "Along with everything else in the woods!"

Me: "After all, every Dogwood has its day!"

And that was when they physically threw me out of the room.

Fortunately, pollen piled up and tied into bales makes for a soft landing.