Downhill from here?

Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.
- Plautus

Or maybe with a poignant song...



Sigh. Another year gone by. Is this really where life begins or is that just bullshit?

This song really sums things up for me right now: I'm an over-forty victim of fate, down to rock bottom again (with just a few friends) and my occupation is nowhere to be found.

Gonna go get drunk now. Care to join me?

Old age: A great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed their hold, you may have escaped, not from one master but from many.
- Plato

Do They Have to Grow Up So Fast?

Get thee to a nunnery, go: farewell. Or, if thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.

-Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 1

Saturday, The Skating Gnu had her first date. Let me repeat that in case you missed it:

Her. First. Date.

When the hell did she get old enough to go out on dates?!?!? So, we agreed to meet her beau somewhere for sodas and hamburgers. His parents and me at one table, the two of them at another table, trying their best to wish us away or at least make us invisible.

All in all, it went off pretty well. Good, wholesome fun was had by all, hands remained on top of the table, daylight between everyone, etc. Nice kid, I should add, and just to answer the question written all over your faces, no, I did not bring semi-automatic weaponry. I left them all at home, well cleaned and polished. And loaded.

Dammit, she's growing up way too fast. There is talk of a second date sometime in the near future. Mrs. Gnu can chaperon the next one: my poor heart can't take anymore of this.

I feel old...

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it,
And I feel fine.

-REM

Rip van Gnu

Where the hell did the month of June go?? Honestly, I had lots of interesting stuff to post the past few weeks. Really. Most of it censored by Ms. Gnu, but hey it's the thought that counts, right?

Well, just like Rip van Winkle, I'm feeling a bit old this month. Not in the usual smart-ass sense of being another month older. I pulled that on my daughter already: told her "You're the oldest now that you have ever been in your entire life." It's funny watching the gears turn as she computes that sentence and only comes up with "TILT" in her head. Then she smacks the hell out of me and continues her merry way. Ahh, to be a kid again.

I feel old because my sweet little angel is going to be -gasp!- a Middle Schooler this Fall!! Gaah! Where did the time go? (Screw that, where did my hair go!?!) I'd better start counting my eye blinks because sooner than I want to think about, she'll be asking for the keys to the car. But that little fucker on the doorstep with the bolt through his nose better damn well be delivering pizza! Hey! You kids! Get off my lawn!!

I also feel old because I have no idea what to do with my free time tonight. She is away at a statewide conference in the Big City Far, Far Away, and Ms. Gnu and I have the house all to ourselves. We have no friggin' clue what to do without a rambunctious little munchkin under foot. Maybe we could borrow a kid from the neighbors...

So, we're sitting here on the couch, bored out of our skulls. Ms. Gnu, sorely missing our Little Gnu, decides it would be a good idea to call the hotel room and check up on her. She puts this to me in a simple question, but as usual, ends up demonstrating how differently men and women think:

The Missus: "Dear, want to try [The Skating Gnu's] room?"

Me: "What? Are you crazy? We can't 'do it' in her bedroom! That's sick!!"

TM: "No you asshole! Call her hotel room and make sure she's okay!!!!" [stomps off]

Me: "Oh. Sorry. Wanna do it in the kitchen?" [ducks flying object]

Looks like I got the couch tonight. Again.