More Random Thoughts

Last post of 2008, and it's more glimpses into the mad, mad, mad inner workings of my head. Enjoy the show!

So I'm on break from class, and what do I do to commemorate this? I order a construction rolloff dumpster to be delivered to the house so I can clean out the garage, closets, office and all the other various and sundry hiding places where junk has accumulated over the last several years. So far, I've filled it almost to capacity and I haven't even finished the garage cleanout phase yet. We're gonna need a bigger dumpster!

The Gnu Herd has discussed getting a puppy. The Missus wants a collie. I suggested "Melon" as a great name for a collie. It took her a few minutes to get the joke, then she threw a pillow at me. Could've been worse... how about a Shih Tzu named "Ho Li?"

There's an old saying from the hallowed halls of the Physics Department: "An object at rest remains at rest, unless that object is a man, in which case his wife will be along shortly to correct the situation." This is known as Newton's First Law with the Marriage Corollary.

Last week, The Missus asked me if wheat was a flowering plant. "Yes it is, like all grains and other grasses," was my answer. She then asked me, "Do they smell?" I replied, "No, silly, plants don't have noses!" And then she socked me. Being a smartass hurts sometimes!

The Missus also wants us to switch to Soy Milk for some godawful reason. I gotta know... where are the tits on a soybean plant??? Will MiracleGro make them bigger?

Okay, that's enough randomness for one posting. From all of us here at Gnu Central, have a Safe and Happy New Year!

Thank You, Troops!

As we hustle and bustle about trying to get ready for the holidays, let's take a moment to remember those who can't be home for the holidays. If it weren't for our troops willing to stand in harm's way to defend our freedoms, we wouldn't be able to celebrate Christmas.

Please take a moment to send a postcard to a soldier stationed in a faraway land, and let him or her know you are truly thankful that we still live in a free country.



Click on the "(>)" arrow above to go to the link for the Lets Say Thanks website to send a postcard to a soldier serving our Republic overseas, in harm's way, defending our freedom. If you have trouble with the widget, then click here for the website!

A very special thank you to all those who serve our country and all our best wishes to you and your families!

The Cure For Boredom

School is out (for both of us - YAY!!!!) and the year is winding down. The Christmas shopping is all done, presents are wrapped up under the tree, and we're all settling in for a long winter's eve cuddled up around the fireplace.

Or in my case, hunched over the computer, surfing. Yeah, I'm a hopeless geek.

When what do my wondering ears behold but a cell phone ring, heralding an incoming text message...

...it's from my daughter, sitting not more than two feet away from me, texting away on her phone. Geek in training? Could be. Let's see what she wants...

The Skating Gnu (via text): "Hi"

Me (reply via text): "Hi!"

TSG(vt): "I am bored"

Me (rvt): "Oh... Reeeeaaallllyyyyy??? I can fix that REAL easy!"

TSG(vt): "No thanks"

Me (rvt): "You can thank me later... after you finish the task list."

TSG(vt): "What task list?"

Me (rvt): "Hmm... let's see..."

TSG(vt): "Oh no"

Me (rvt): "1. Dust and vacuum the living room. 2. Clean your room. 3. Take out the trash and recycling. 4. Put away the clean dishes and load the dirty ones into the dishwasher. 5. Put away your clean clothes and pick up your dirty clothes."

TSG(vt): "Okay, I am no longer bored, so no thank you."

Me (rvt): "You can thank me later. NOW GET TO WORK!!"

TSG(vt): "Aaaaa... I am dieing!"

Me (rvt): "You are also spelling things wrong. I can add to your list if you like..."

TSG: [Jumps up out of her chair and scoots out of the room like a Gnu on a mission!]

And that, dear readers, is how you cure "Winter Break boredom!"

Aces High

Whew! I am finally done with the financial courses in my degree. This fall has been nothing but repetitive number crunching. I know finance and accounting are important subjects to understand in a business and technology management curriculum, but I've had enough. I've learned a lot about money and finances that I've ben needing to know for a long time, but I feel like it has come at the cost of - well, what's the best way to explain this...

Momentum.

I feel like I lost momentum, as if I were sidetracked into a tangential line of research. I was on a roll, knocking out heady management topics and then got pulled aside to balance the damn checkbook. Now I've got to get my head back into the game with four more courses to go. The next four classes cover big topics: Global IT Management, IT Security, Project Management and the Capstone. I have no idea what to expect for that last one, and it's recommended to be the last course we take in the degree program. So I have definitely got to regain the momentum I had before I got dog-piled by balance sheets, capital budgets and call margins!

On the plus side, I aced both courses. The last one solely by the grace of a kind professor on a curve. Most of us tanked on the final exam so he cut us a break. Special thanks to Dr. Z for the holidays!

A Banner Year for Dentistry

I have no idea how, when or where, but I seem to have really pissed off Saint Apollonia. Just got back from a mid-week visit to the dentist to get a filling refilled after it broke loose last week, and not more than two days later broke another tooth on the other side.

I expect representatives from my dental insurance to pay me a visit real soon demanding to know if I'm the one who's playing hockey not my daughter - whose teeth are still perfect!

Thanksgiving Postcard From The Gnus to You

A special Thanksgiving Postcard from The Smoking Gnu and Family to all our family, friends and loved ones:

May you have...
More blessings than you can count,
More friends than your house has room for,
More joy than your heart can hold,
More turkey than you can eat!

May your...
Visits with relatives be brief,
Fellowship with friends last long,
Football games be awesome,
Cooking turn out just right!

Be forever thankful for...
A loving family,
A steady job,
A strong and free Republic,
Those who serve and protect us from harm,
God's blessings on us all!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Proud Parents of a Skating Gnu

Indulge me a bit while I brag on my progeny...

Last semester she came home with straight A's and made the honor roll.

Last week she was promoted to First Clarinet in the band. That's the top spot for the class.

Yesterday, she scored two goals and almost made it a hat trick when she crashed the net on a breakaway.

Today, she was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society.



Tomorow... the world!

Flippin' the Bird

These things always seem to happen when I'm in the shower.

There I was, enjoying a steaming hot soak to wash away the sore muscles from yesterday's fundraisers. Yes, that's right: two fundraisers. One for The Skating Gnu's Youth Assembly and one for the Orphanage. Both were a lot of fun and wildly successful. But it was a long day. And I'm gettin' too friggin' old for long days on my feet.

I ache, therefore I soak. Ahhh......

I"m just getting ready to start the repeat cycle of lather-rinse-repeat when I hear a loud commotion from the other end of the house followed by this snippet of conversation:

The Skating Gnu: "What The FREAK!!!!"

Mrs. Gnu: "AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! SHUT THE DAMN DOOR!!"

The Skating Gnu: [Raucous laughter]

As I scramble out of the shower I consider two options:

Option A: Someone is in trouble and I may need either a weapon or a first aid kit. Or both, depending on my aim.

Option B: There's a big, scary bug in the house again and my wife is just doing her usual freak-out over it.

Option B explains the laughter from my daughter. So rather than charge in towel-clad and dripping wet to attack whatever it is that's invading my house, I opt for the more calm approach and take a moment to put on some pants and my housecoat, assuring myself that the bug can't possibly be that big and scary despite the continuing screams (and laughter) emanating from the living room.

Nope. I miscalculated a bit on this one.

I walked in to the living room, expecting to see some tiny speck crawling on the wall and instead was dive-bombed by a flying object aiming for my head, followed by another scream from The Missus, "Watch out! It's a VAMPIRE BAT!!"

After extracting myself from under the coffee table, I was able to get a closer look at my attacker: a cute little wren had somehow flown inside and was now flitting back and forth from perch to perch in search of an escape path.

Me: "A vampire bat? Really? It's a bird, you Dodo. [The pun was completely lost on the pair of them. The bird wasn't amused either.] How is it that you manage to equate 'flying animal' with something that isn't even indigenous to this continent??"

Okay, so vampire bats go as far north as Northern Mexico. That's still a three-hour jet flight away from us. No idea how that translates into unladen swallow airspeeds...

The Missus: "I don't care! It's a Pterodactyl as far as I'm concerned and it's after me! Get it out!"

Okay, fair enough. I don my best "Dragonslayer" pose and get down to business.

My big plan was to shut all the doors to the rest of the house, hang blankets in the doorways and herd the little bugger into the dining room where I could open a window and let him out.

The Missus on the other hand, surprised all of us with her ability to simplify the best laid plans of mice and men (and vampire bats) by opening the back door and standing back.

Birds apparently do a better job with the concept of open windows and doors than houseflies do: he flew right out, not missing a wingbeat. Problem solved. Now all we have to do is check the high spots in the house for bird poop. I'm too short for that job so I'm leaving it to The Missus.

In answer to the smug look on her face from her commendable application of Occam's Razor, I reminded her that, knowing my luck, if I'd been the one to open the door our bird in hand would have been joined by every bird in the bush!

Dear America...

An open letter to the voters of the United States of America:

You have elected the government you deserve.

May God have mercy on us all!

Sincerely,

History

Southern Fried Gnu

Our office went to the North Carolina State Fair this afternoon. We all had a great time, but I have a feeling I'll be alternating betwen speed-eating Lipitor pills and downing shots of Pepto-Bismol all night. Here's a brief list of the deep fried goodies we all partook of:

Turkey Legs
Fried Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
Fried Snickers
Fried Banana Pudding
Corndogs
Funnel Cake
Fried Macaroni and Cheese
Fried Oreos
Hushpuppies
Fried Twinkies
Fried Pecan Pie

Okay, the turkey legs weren't fried, but they were chargrilled to perfection and served up with a heapin' helpin' of BBQ sauce. Yumm!! Everything was nothing short of heaven on a plate. "Y'all come down here and get some South in your mouth!!" Yes, that's an actual quote from the PA system! Yeehaw!

I took my camera phone with me and brought back some pictures. They're not the best in the world, but you should get a good feel of what a great time an afternoon at the State Fair can be.


Deep Fried... umm.... what???



More Artery-clogging goodness!



I just wanted to say HAY to everyone!!



Nice melons!



I'll bet these'll make NICE Jack O'Lanterns!



Coworker's question: "What do you do with a giant pumpkin?"
My answer: "Make one HELLUVA pumpkin pie!"



The unique architecture of Dorton Arena, as seen from Indigestion Alley.



Dorton Arena from the side. Really neat old building!


It was gorgeous weather for a day at the Fair. Clear skies, 70 degrees. Perfect. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go have myself a preventive coronary bypass!

Vacation Postcards

Some pictures from the Outer Banks for you!

Click each thumbnail for larger view...


Sunrise over the Atlantic


Sunrise with Dolphins!


Sunrise with Seagulls


Great view from the deck, huh?


Outer Banks Angler


Crabby Neighbor!


Pelicans Incoming


Pelicans on Patrol

All pictures (c) 2008 The Smoking Gnu
All rights Reserved

Light Waves

We watched a dazzling display of natural beauty last night. No, I was not prancing around on the dunes in a kilt. Be still thy beating heart.

The waves lit up like fluorescent light bulbs, all the way down the beach. Bright blue flames that licked up and down the crashing waves as they broke along the shore like an electric pipe. It was like watching a surprise meteor shower, only this was caused by living organisms.

A type of plankton known as a dinoflagellate will occasionally bloom offshore, feeding on upwellings of nutrients from deeper water. They react to being disturbed by lighting up in an electric blue display. When they're numerous enough, they turn the water red, thus providing the origin of "Red Tide."

Last night they were numerous enough to light up the surf but not yet enough to turn the tide red. I was unable to get a picture of the show, but click here to see one photographer's achievement on the West Coast from a similar display.

Unfortunately, some species of "Red Tide" dinoflagellates are toxic, and these toxins become concentrated when ingested by clams, oysters and mussels. They tend to bloom in the Fall, which is why we have the old saying, "Never eat shellfish in a month ending in 'R'."

This Just In...

It's an epidemic!

Beach Lacrosse, Smoking Gnu-style!

So, apparently Ghost Crab's brother jumped in after him. How often have we read news reports of two perishing to save one stuck down the well? This seems to be universal, not just human. Back down three flights of steps I go to help the little tyke out.

To answer your burning questions:

Q: How do you get an angry crab out of a pool?
A: With a long pole and a net.

Q: (Obvious follow-up, since I know you're wondering) How do you get him out of the net?
A: Ever play Lacrosse?

I doubt he'll be back anytime soon, considering how I flung his ass over the fence and the dune behind that.

Judging from the girlish screams emanating from the other side of that dune, I have to assume he made a happy landing.

Oops. :-)

Filtered for your Sanitation

The cottage has this nice pool. Midnight swims have been the order of the day all week, only now we will have to cancel tonight's swim.

Why?

It's got crabs.

Seriously. And they pinch like hell, too!

There's this one Ghost Crab who lives next to the back door that keeps falling in to the pool. He can get in just fine, but can't get out. We've fished him out (fished... hahahahahaha!!!!!) several times already, but now he's done for. Trying to escape our latest efforts at well-intentioned rescue, the dumbass crawled into the inlet to the filter pump.

The inevitable crab soup was... inevitable. And inedible.

Back to the Island

And watch the sun go down,

Listen to the sea roll in.

I'll be thinkin' of you,

And how it might've been.

Listen to the nightbird cry,

Watch the sun set die.

Well I hope you understand

I just had to go back to the island.

-Jimmy Buffett

Back to the Island

(License to Chill)

Another year and it's time for the annual pilgrimage to the Outer Banks. We arrived in time for the Second Annual Duck Jazz Festival. I was expecting Mallards, Pintails and Canvasbacks doing a four-piece beat ensemble, but we found some real musicians pouring out some great music. A good time was had by all.

The Gnu Herd rolled into town just in time to enjoy some Jazz on the beach, then off to the Sunset Grille for some good eats.

Ahh, it's SO good to be back on the island!

(Poster: 2nd Annual Duck Jazz Festival, more information available here.)

Halfway There!

Oh, we've got to hold on,
Ready or not.
You live for the fight
When that's all that you've got.

Oh, we're halfway there,
Whoa-oh! Livin' on a Prayer!
Take my hand,
We'll make it I swear!

-Bon Jovi
Livin' on a Prayer

This week marks exactly the halfway point in my Master's degree program. Halfway through the sixth course out of eleven total. But it's not all downhill from here. That line of thinking leads to complacency. I can't afford to get cocky, lazy or just plain scared. We've reached the point of no return. Best thing to do now is stay the course and see this through to the victorious end.

I have learned a lot going through this program. Not just new ideas or filling in the gaps between what I know so that I can be better at my job. I've learned a few things about myself too. For starters, I can do it. However tired and frustrated I get, I know that I can buckle down and fight my way through the problem.

I've stayed up till 3am working on assignments, then got up the next day and put in 11 hours at work, come home and visit with the family, cook dinner and do it all over again till the work is done and turned in. I've read, re-read and re-re-read the same case study, rewrote the same analysis, tweaked the problem answers for the umpteenth time till they're right. I've aced open-ended essay exams on less than 4 hours of sleep.

I've had teachers and classmates tell me I'm working too hard. That I could "get by" on half the effort. Bullshit. When I write my assignments, I'm writing for myself, not the class. I'm getting something out of the exercise that I can keep long after the grade is written down. I'm learning for myself, about myself, to better myself.

I'm also learning a lot about budgeting my time. I have a feeling that once I'm done, I'll have my schedule nailed down so well that I'll end up bored stiff. What will I do with all that extra time?

Don't tell The Missus I said that!

No Accounting For Sleep Deprivation

The new mattress arrived today. So why am I not snuggled up in bed testing it out? Simple: accounting homework due by 12 midnight Pacific time.

Nothing like pushing those deadlines, huh?

The delivery of the new wondernest was a nightmare and a textbook case of how a company can lose business one pissed off customer at a time. More to come on that story. First, I gotta finish learning how to balance a goddamn annual statement. Then study for a test tomorrow.

One Door Closes And Another One Opens

My last day at the old job was Tuesday. As expected, it was total chaos. I feel bad for my teammates I left behind. The last two weeks I really tried to get as much knowledge out of my head as I could and put it down on paper where they could use it, but there are some things that can't be put into words. Like knowing when a project manager has his head up his ass or how to tell when a QA tech needs a little support in saying "No!" to impatient business sponsors.

That's one of the shortfalls to documentation: you can't write down every piece of knowledge and experience a person has pertaining to their job. There are some things that have to be re-learned every time a new person takes over a given job and you have to stand back and let them go through that process or it will be very difficult for them to grow into being effective at that job.

The problem is, if you have high turnover on a job, you lose more than just that intangible experience, you lose a little bit of the knowledge that can be written down but isn't for one reason or another. My predecessor knew more than me and she was only able to impart a certain amount of transferable knowledge before she left. I in turn was only able to write down so much of what could be documented before time ran out on me.

This is why retaining good employees is so critical to a team's success and ultimately the company's success as well. We've now had 4 people leave this team and when we each left, a little bit more was lost from the team that can never be recovered.

This point is just as important (if not more so) than making the numbers balance on the quarterly statements. What good is it if the numbers look pretty if you have a revolving door of amateurs in and out of a team that is highly specialized and whose work is critical to the business's operation?

I started my new job on Wednesday. Big difference from the old job. Higher expectations (my own being the highest on myself), bigger shoes to fill, more people depending on me not to screw things up. My first day was the usual: Greenhorn Orientation, nickel tour of the office and lots of faces and names I'll have to relearn all over again because I definitely do not have a photographic memory, set up my office.

Yes. I have an office now. With a door. And a view. Happy Gnu.

Second day on the job, I walk in to a 21-flaming-server salute. Yikes! All the troops scrambled to put out the fires. The day's plans took a flying leap right out the 10-story-high window.

On the plus side, I got to observe how the team operates under pressure.

In other news, it turns out I didn't bomb the final exam last week. Got an A for the class. Five down, six more to go!

Happy Labour Day

Time to put away the white shoes. Summer is officially over.

We're all taking a breather this weekend. The Gnu Herd piled into the car to go down the road aways to a wedding, in the land of Trains, Cheerwine, and Liddy Dole. Very, very dear friends of the family and for all rights and purposes they are family to us, their son was the groom, complete with the traditional "deer in the headlights" look and everything else that goes with the grim passing of bachelorhood. All is well in the world, he found himself a keeper. Raise a glass of Guinness to the happy couple!

Meanwhile back at Gnu Central, we're just relaxing, taking a break from most of the things that tend to keep us busy and scattered across three counties. Grill up some burgers tonight, pop open a couple of brews, and just relax and be thankful for all that we have been blessed with.

Good news of the day:

1. My term paper for the last class came back with a 100. So assuming I don't go into negative points on my final, this one's a wrap. Onward to Financial Accounting! (Bleah)

2. The Skating Gnu is settling in to 7th grade nicely. At the least, no notes from the principal and the SWAT team hasn't been called out to the school. Yet. She keeps reminding me that she will be a teenager next year, to which I reply that's why I have the U.S. Marine Corps recruiting office on speed-dial. Yeah, that usually shuts her up.

3. Another dear friend of the family (who is also honorary family) is fighting back against cancer and appears to be winning. Cheers and prayers for him and his family are encouraged.

Last, but not least, what would a holiday be without another episode of CoTD:

Time: This afternoon
Place: Phone conversation with Buddy

Buddy: "So, whatcha been doing today?"

Me: "Wife and I went and bought a new mattress."

Buddy: "Nice! So, tell me (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) did you break it in yet?"

Me: "Yep. Didn't wait around for that."

Buddy: "Nice!"

Me: "Not really, we're not allowed back in that showroom anymore!"

Buddy: "Bwuhh..."

Ask a stupid question...